Life can be irritating at times

It's been a while since I've posted. Life just really gets to me sometimes plus twitter is only 140 characters. The past few months have been rather difficult for me to deal with. Lately I feel that I try really hard but I'm not as successful as I would like to be.

I've been battling things that never really truly went away, they were just less noticeable. I feel that I'm pretty much alone in my own corner. I used to have such a great support system but most of those people have kind of fizzled away from me in the past few months. Life is really hard to deal with when you're alone and you feel like an outsider.

I found out that I work about 45 hours a week which could be taking a huge toll on me but I think its the failure resounding around me. In the past few months I have figured out a few things though, I am so glad that I'm single, I feel that a guy just wouldn't understand how I feel that a relationship should work. I have ran into that problem in the past with my ex-boyfriends.

I feel that life is easier without a significant other. Work lately has been okay. I enjoy the bakery, it is fun and I feel like I am an important employee there. I have self worth there which is something that doesn't happen everywhere.

Lately, I have been listening to songs by skillet, breaking benjamin, three days grace and the red jumpsuit apparatus. They seem to dull the pain a little. if y'all know what I've been dealing with, the decrease in pain really helps at times.

Lately life has been abnormal

This past week has been rather weirs to say the least.

For the First thing, My friend Yvonne passed away from Breast cancer. She taught me a lot of what I know.She took care of me and my sister for most of our childhood. She loved us like her own children. She was to me a very special woman and she has always been a role model for me because her whole life she served God, no matter how much pain she was going through. Every time I hear the song, Blessed Be Your Name, I think of her.

The second thing is that I got a random phone call from my father today. He almost never calls unless he wants something. we don't have a good relationship at all. He just Joined the cult that I grew up in last month officially, and he called to tell me that he is dating someone and that it is getting serious. This is so irritating because I feel sorry for whoever he is dating, my father is someone who is difficult to relate to let alone live with. He is the reason for my parents divorcing.Although I have forgiven him for what he did to me in my childhood, I still haven't gotten over the way that certain members of the cult treated me growing up all the way until I left it. I have learned to live with the pain of losing my childhood to that unspeakable evil, I cannot stand it that my father has decided to join it.

The third thing is that for some reason I have been really sick the past couple of days, and i'm finally getting better. I have an eerie feeling that this is only the start of flu season, and I will probably get sick again.

I noticed that throughout this week though that when I think about God and how he has been with me since the day I was born, and he has never forsaken me, it is all worth it. I know in my heart that my friend Yvonne is in Heaven with Jesus.

Work today was interesting, I'm hoping that this month flies by though... its going to be super busy for me.

craziness in life is nuts

This has been the craziest week in a long time. I have learned a lot this week, and just have seen how God has blessed my life lately. I also figured out how stupid I was when I was 18. i have figured out that i am so blessed, especially because although I live with my mom still, she is the most patient and understanding person I know.

Work has been so rewarding this week, i love my job(s). Although at times I feel a little insane myself, I would not trade my life for anything. I still can't believe I've made it this far, everything considered. I really cannot wait for tomorrow because although I have to work tomorrow, I know i will have an awesome time doing it. I'll be almost caught up in my classes too, which is a big sigh of relief.


I'm wondering what next week will bring seeing as to how I will have practically no free time next week until Saturday, if i don't have to work. :-)

I'm so glad I've pretty much figured things out for myself. This month is my 20 month anniversary of leaving the cult I was in, and i also have a 17 month anniversary of an achievement that it took me a long time to achieve.

It's July and my life has been blessed!!!!!

I've had such a wonderful week. I'm finished with all my work from last week, just getting some reading for my cognition class finished tonight. I've been spending some awesome time with my mom, which is always good. I started working another job in addition to my other one at the bakery last month. I absolutely love it though. I work with some really sweet people, and I love loving my jobs. I feel so blessed to be able to do so many things in my life and share it with so many people.

The Lord has blessed me in so many ways!!!! I am so privileged to be able to volunteer and teach the youth, I love seeing their smiling faces on Sunday mornings. ;-) My family isn't always supportive, but family is family. I am so thankful for everything I have been blessed with lately.

School has been so great lately. I finished two classes, Developmental Psychology and Composition One, with A's in both. I'm in two more classes now. I'm taking Cognition & Learning and General Statistics. We are in the third week and going well. I still can't believe how my life has come together in the past year and a half. I've really gotten past all the bad and right now it's smooth sailing.

My small group has been so supportive, and its amazing how when I go there, I am soooooo tired from everything, and when Its over, I'm so filled with energy. :-)I really cannot wait until small group every week, especially the bad weeks at work.

Life's been going well and I will continue to go on through the bright times and the not so bright times.  

Craziness in the Summer Sun

Life's always been crazy, but since when does that give people the right to piss me off? When is it okay to send a nasty text to other people? I don't know about other people, but I wouldn't do that to someone else. I don't see why men are such jerks at times who try to tell their girlfriends what they can and cannot do. just something i've been thinking about.

Sometimes I think that those men have issues that they need to work out before imposing their insanity on the rest of the world. I know plenty of guys who don't do that to their girlfriends, spouses, or even life partners. I really miss when people thought before acting. I really wonder how the world would be different if people thought about others before acting.

I almost wish that people running cults would quit destroying others and their lives. I really don't understand how these people just eat up everything they say, just like drinking the kool-aid. If the people were able to escape the brainwashing, they would see these idiots for what they are. I've known many people who have had to rebuild their whole life and can't even see their parents because of being raised in a cult. I am so thankful to be a survivor, and even more thankful to see it for what it is. A Cult. Plain and simple, the organization claims that it is not a cult, although all the signs show the truth. Now that my dad is getting into this cult, it really pisses me off, now I lost my dad to this cult. Especially because I've lost my sister, and now my dad is being brainwashed, and theyre trying to entice my mom. I will remain strong though. They won't get me back. :-)

June 2010???

Wow. Time has gone by so fast. I've been working and going to school, and of course volunteering and going to church. I've been so blessed lately to have had the common sense to leave that cult. Thank God!!!

Schools been going awesome! I've been getting A's and a Few B's lately. Of course I've been working my ass off to do it. It's been a struggle but I'm getting there. I've met so many of my goals that I feel like the luckiest woman on earth.


Works been work. :-) I love my job, but it gets difficult to put up with all the bullshit lately. I've been hoping that the next few years would fly by, and give me some peace.

Luckily for me, I have become so stable in my life that almost nothing gets to me. There are a few exceptions, however they are very minimal. I'm still figuring out which people are innately good, and I'm finding that many people I used to be around are not.

I really can't wait for the fall again and I pray that I have my job still, and that I can make a living and also handle any surprises that my boss may throw my way.

I can't believe it's already almost June. It seems like not too long ago, it was Christmas. I've been discovering lately though that when all else fails, music and friends will pull me through. 

Return From Nothingness

I haven't even written a blog post in so long. i had my birthday about a week ago and finished my class on my birthday. I have been really busy. Working alot and school and everything like that.

So I've been deleving into a lot of music lately especially the new Breaking Benjamin song, I will not bow which one of my favorite songs right now.

The other day I bought the Nirvana Box Set - With the Lights Out...
I totally love the set... it is the best cd set I own!!!
I absolutely love nirvana...

Anyways More later...